Climate Change and the Incredible Shrinking Humanity

by Bill Chameides | October 28th, 2011
posted by Erica Rowell (Editor)

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We’re shrinking. “It … [has] to mean something… Yes, smaller than the smallest… I STILL EXIST!” (From WikiCommons: Ragesoss)

We’re all getting smaller because of global warming — look on the bright side.

Did you hear the news? Scientists are finding that living things are getting smaller. Why? Because both temperature and rainfall variability are increasing. These factors lead to smaller sizes because they decrease the reliability of food and increase metabolism. (See details here and here.)

Now, I’m sure there will be a bunch of crazy, climate-change alarmists who will point to this as yet another reason why we must do something about all those pesky greenhouse gas emissions. But me, I’m a glass-half-full kinda guy — heck, I’m a glass one-quarter-full guy if the glass has got something really tasty like sweet crude in it. In fact, given that human beings will be among the creatures that will be shrinking, my glass is getting fuller by the second.

10 Top Reasons Shrinking People From Global Warming Is a Good Thing

10. Randy Newman’s song “Short People” will be banned from the airwaves.

9. Really short people will be called no-see-ums.

8. Instead of 8-foot ceilings, we’ll have 4-foot ceilings — think of all the energy we’ll save on heating and air conditioning.

7. And with 4-foot ceilings, skyscrapers will be half as tall making it easier for Superman to leap them in a single bound.

6. In fact, because it will be easier to qualify as a Superman, we may have multiple Supermen — that’ll take a bite outta crime and perhaps give men overall a well-needed boost.

5. The obesity epidemic will be a thing of the past, health-care costs will come down, ending the debate about “ObamaCare” and bringing back civil discourse in the nation.

4. There won’t be anymore of those stupid dunking contests at the NBA All Star Game — there may not even be an NBA … oh, there really isn’t one this year anyway (for now, anyway).

3. More people than angels will be able to dance on the point of a needle.

2. If there’s another flood, our modern-day Noah will be able to fit three of each species in the ark instead of two — think of the possibilities.

And the number one reason why shrinking people from global warming is a good thing:

1. When global warming finally does end civilization as we know it, we’ll be able to fit more people in the rocket ship that goes in search of a new planetary home — you could be one of them!

filed under: climate change, faculty, global warming, rainfall, temperatures
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